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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23984434">Falling Down a Rabbit Hole</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romansleftshoulderpad/pseuds/Romansleftshoulderpad'>Romansleftshoulderpad</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Deceit Sanders mentioned - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Post Episode: Putting Others First, Selfishness V. Selflessness redux, Song fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:55:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,314</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23984434</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romansleftshoulderpad/pseuds/Romansleftshoulderpad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Roman felt like shit. Just an awful, useless, gross pile of shit."</p><p>Post: SvS redux. Roman needs some comforting.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Falling Down a Rabbit Hole</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So after watching the episode I ended up listening to some songs on Spotify and for some reason this one really stuck with me after? So, enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>It’s getting late and I</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Cannot seem to find my way home tonight</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman felt like shit. Just an awful, useless, gross pile of shit. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Feels like I am falling down a rabbit hole</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Falling for forever, wonderfully wandering alone</b>
</p><p>
  <span>He sunk out. What was wrong? What was right? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was the fucking point?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face was flush with the overwhelming urge to cry. He didn’t think about where he was going, he just popped up in the first place that felt safe. As his hands shook with emotion he wondered if being </span>
  <em>
    <span>here </span>
  </em>
  <span>was the wrong choice too. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>What would my head be like </b>
</p><p>
  <b>If not for my shoulders</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Roman?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Or without your smile </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman crashed, falling onto his knees. Virgil was quick to catch him and the prince found himself sobbing into his jacket. It smelt like lavender- Logan had mentioned many times how lavender could relieve symptoms of mild anxiety. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Princey,” Virgil said. He hesitantly brought his hand towards Roman’s head and combed through his hair. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was funny, almost. It’d be funny if not for the fact that Roman was helplessly crushed. Falling straight into the arms of someone he swore was his enemy once upon a time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now all Roman had to do to find his enemy was to look in a mirror. He felt pathetic. He could hardly breathe and his hands were shaking like pins and needles. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Worthless. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He missed the callback for </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing. </span>
  </em>
  <span>If he couldn’t help Thomas win his hopes and dreams...what </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> he do?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was gasping for air. He felt light headed. The room was closing in on him. He held on to Virgil- no air- </span>
  <em>
    <span>NO AIR!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Princey, we need to get you out of here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- I’m fi-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re having a panic attack, don’t tell me you’re fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt the pull of being summoned into another room. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No. No, no, no, no, not Thomas.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> face Thomas. He couldn't-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Roman,” Virgil said. They were in his room, sitting on his bed, the air was still. The world wasn’t ending. “Roman, are you okay?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to speak, but the words weren’t there. He could still feel the lack of oxygen in his hands. He shook his head and buried himself further into the hood of Virgil’s jacket. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>But follow you forever</b>
</p><p>
  <b>May it never leave you</b>
</p><p>
  <b>To sleep in the stone, maybe</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Stay lost on our way home.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t remember how long it took him to feel okay again. (Certainly not okay, but at least oxygenated). He just remembers the scent of Virgil’s jacket as he was rocked back and forth. He remembers the cool touch of a baby wipe cleaning his cheeks and under his eyes. He remembers the black stains left on that wipe. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>C’mon, c’mon, with everything falling down around me</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I like to believe in all the possibilities.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>He started to feel okay again, though, after he had snapped on some pajamas (per Virgil’s request) and laid back against the bed. “Get some rest, Princey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t go,” Roman urged in a quiet whisper. “Please. I don’t want to be alone with... </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil took a deep breath and summoned a switch. “Want to play some Animal crossing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman cringed slightly at the idea of video games, but tried to find some safety in the company. “Yeah, that would be great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil slid next to Roman, not daring to get under the covers, but just close enough that they could both see the screen. Roman rested his head against Virgil’s shoulder as the game loaded. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>If I should die tonight</b>
</p><p>
  <b>May I first just say I'm sorry</b>
</p><p>
  <b>For I, never felt like anybody</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I am a man of many hats although I</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Never mastered anything</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the objective?” Roman asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you want,” Virgil whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Going to make Blathers my bitch with these fish though.” He paused in realization. “Am... Am I Blathers’ sugar daddy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman snorted, finding himself moving closer to Virgil as he laughed. “I think that also makes you a furry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear God.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a knock at the door that interrupted their laughter. “Roman?”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>But I am ten feet tall</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I’ve never felt this tall since the fall</b>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Logan. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but I was looking for Virgil. Have you seen him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil gave a hesitant look. “It’s okay,” Roman whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m in here, L,” he called out. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Nobody seems to know my name</b>
</p><p>
  <b>So don't leave me and sleep all alone</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Maybe stay lost on our way home</b>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened slowly. He stood stiffly, with an almost solemn expression on his face. “Roman, I do hope you are feeling better. I have been... </span>
  <em>
    <span>informed </span>
  </em>
  <span>of recent events.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil squeezed his side protectively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright, Roman?” The door opened a little more and he could see Patton nervously peeking behind it.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll...” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t lie. Lying is wrong. Lying is evil. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“I’ll be better, Specs.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if that’s all, then I shall be-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Logan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He paused. “Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman nodded towards the empty space next to him. “Come join us. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Both </span>
  </em>
  <span>of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a hesitance in Patton’s eyes. He was walking on eggshells and he couldn’t stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Padre,” Roman whispered. “Please. It’s okay.” Roman snapped himself and the lensed duo into their onesies. Virgil smiled softly and changed himself in an act of solidarity. He also summoned a switch into Logan’s hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Visit our island, bitches.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is only one console.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re evening out the playing field.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan and Patton sat on the bed, Patton sitting on the edge and keeping to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>C’mon, c’mon, with everything falling down around me</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Patton and Roman shared a glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>I’d like to believe in all the possibilities</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“We love you,” Patton whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>C’mon, c’mon, with everything falling down around me</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I’d like to believe in all the possibilities</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman smiled at him- it wasn’t easy, but Roman smiled. “Right,” he mouthed.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Try not to mistake what you have with what you hate</b>
</p><p>
  <b>It could leave, it could leave, come morning</b>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t long before they could see Logan and Patton’s avatar, with a curvy mouth and forward facing eyes, running onto their screen with a default outfit. Virgil snorted commenting that the character looked “like a fucking crack addict” much to the disagreement of Logan and Patton. After a while they were all much more relaxed, even Logan seemed to be okay with Roman now leaning onto him. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Celebrate the night</b>
</p><p>
  <b>It’s the fall before the climb</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s getting late,” Logan commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck it,” Roman murmured against his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Shall we sing, shall we sing, until morning?</b>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached over Logan’s torso, reaching out for Patton’s hand. Patton stayed silent as he laced their fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Roman, I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Patton.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Patton,” he said. “I love you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>If I fall forward, you fall flat</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Under the sound of Animal Crossing music and dialogue at full blast, Roman could hear Virgil humming a familiar tune. Something about Virgil being a sock puppet still made him laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>And if the sun should lift me up, </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Would you come back?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>C'mon, c'mon, with everything falling down around me</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I'd like to believe in all the possibilities</b>
</p><p>
  <b>C'mon, c'mon, with everything falling down around me</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I'd like to believe in all the possibilities</b>
</p><p>
  <b>So c'mon, c'mon, with everything falling down around me</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I'd like to believe in all the possibilities</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Yeah Yeah Yeah!</b>
</p><p>
  <span>It was around four in the morning when they all fell asleep. Janus’s words were still echoing in Roman’s head. But it was quieter now. It was easier to ignore under Patton’s snore. It was fine. They were going to be okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was going to be okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>It’s getting late and I cannot seem to find my way home tonight...</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
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